I can remember it so clearly. 

It was July – the month of sweet, blazing days and moist, firefly-accompanied nights. The heart of summer. And yet it was also the summer two hearts broke at the hands of a crushing heat that had been building far longer than the summer. One belonged to my older sister and one belonged to me. 

Separated by eight years, miles of distance, and completely different childhoods, my sister and I had always found a way to cut past all the awkwardness and tension of being a blended family. But the summer I turned sixteen, all the closets and junk drawers we had tried to shove our mess and quiet offenses in had finally become too small to contain it all. What had started as a civil disagreement became an all out war. 

Cutting, jagged words we had never said to each other – words we probably should have never said to each other – came flying out before we could even consider stopping them. 

Nobody was listening. Nobody paused and walked away or apologized. Because everybody had a good reason for being so angry. So swiftly, that anger that felt so right and justified had stopped us from seeing each other as sisters or even family. All our bitterness had choked out every bit of love we had once had for each other. And for a while, it remained that way. 

You may think I’m crazy when I say this… but what if I told you, that it was this moment that not only changed my life but taught me about God’s love? 

Allow me to explain. 

The First Family

  The first family ever created began in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve. God declares in Genesis 1:27-28 that He had fashioned both Adam and Eve to be reflections of Him and to make many more reflections of God through their descendants. As they tended to all the creatures and plants within the garden, they were supposed to be echoes of God’s heart for protection, justice, peace, and rest. In their marriage, Adam and Eve were supposed to model the love, compassion, and devotion that encompassed God’s own love for them as His creation. And it went like this for a while. 

But then…enter sin stage right. 

Adam and Eve craved a glimpse into what it would be like to have God’s power, to be able to know and judge both the good and evil in the world (Genesis 3:6). So, when a cunning serpent in the garden proposed a chance to disobey God and eat the forbidden fruit in exchange for that kind of power, the offer seemed irresistible (Genesis 3:1-5). The choice seemed harmless – perhaps there was a way to have their way and God’s way without facing any of the negative consequences God had promised would follow eating the forbidden fruit. Right? 

Not quite. Adam and Eve’s choice turned out to be a major one with major consequences. It opened the door for sin, for brokenness (Genesis 3:14-16). Now, rather than passing down the blessings of life in complete harmony with God, their descendants – including you and me – would inherit the curse of hearts inclined toward more of sin and less of God. 

The effects of this seemingly harmless decision trickled down through the generations beyond Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve eventually had two kids – Cain and Abel (Genesis 4:1-2). Later, Cain would go on to murder his very own brother in a cold act of jealousy and anger. The story from there is riddled with more of the same dysfunction. There’s instances of a mother’s favoritism being so great it moves her to help her son cheat her other son out of his birthright (Genesis 27:18-27). After the favored son runs away with the birthright, he marries two sisters – only one of which he truly loves – setting off a messy, bitter, and decades-long love triangle (Genesis 29-30). Those sisters give birth to sons that grow up to betray one of their brothers by attacking him and selling him into slavery (Genesis 37:25-28). The cycle was worse  than a melodramatic Lifetime movie. 

Why, you may ask? Why couldn’t they just get it together and love each other and be good, happy little families? Simply put: these families failed for the same reason our own families – no matter how seemingly perfect – fail to look like God’s design. When humans committed the first sin, they chose to do life separate from God (Ephesians 4:18). Scripture is flooded with the truth that God alone is love. We may think we know love because us humans have managed to produce movies, like Romeo and Juliet and The Notebook. But we don’t know what real love is – in fact, apart from God we are incapable of knowing or expressing love (1 John 4:7). 

God’s love is patient, kind, free of envy, humble, honoring, selfless, slow to anger, gracious, honest, protective, trusting, hopeful, and persevering (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). Think about it…when have you ever really loved anybody – let alone your favorite family member or bestest friend – like that, perfectly, 24/7? I’m sorry to break it to you, friends, but again even on our best day, we are incapable of knowing or expressing love independent of God. 

So, why should we bother? Why should we even try to put up with the family members we can’t stand deep down or honor our parents? 

Because there’s actually great hope. Spoiler alert: His name is Jesus.

Redeemed and Adopted  

Before we ever failed to love one another, we failed to love God over and over again (Romans 1:21-23). Before we could ever break each other’s heart, we broke God’s heart (Genesis 5:5-6). Every chance we got, we pushed God away, choosing enmity with Him rather than friendship and union with Him (James 4:4). 

Yet, God pursued us. 

Through generations of imperfect families and poor decisions and countless sin, He knit together a story of redemption beginning and ending with Jesus. Though He lived a perfect and blameless life, Jesus allowed our past, present, and future sin to be nailed on the cross with Him. As His body was broken, He broke down the sin barrier that lay between us and God. All the darkness and pain and heartbreak of our broken world was buried with Him. And when He rose from the grave three days later in victory over death, Jesus secured for us victory over our sin. And with it, He made a way for a new offer to be made to us. 

Adoption. Through Christ, we are offered a place in His holy family. We get to exchange the old rags of sin we used to wear for new robes of righteousness. We get to experience the redemption of His shalom, or peace. But more than that, we get to intimately experience His unconditional love – a love unlike any we could ever show or expect to receive from anybody on this planet. A kind of love where every wound on our hearts, every wrong turn we’ve taken, every insecurity or lie we’ve found ourselves believing yet again is perfectly known. And still…He chooses us. He – patient, kind, free of envy, humble, honoring, selfless, slow to anger, gracious, honest, protective, trusting, hopeful, and persevering – chooses us. He calls us His kids, His family. 

A Love Meant to Share 

The truth that God sees us for all that we are and invites us into his family is enough to celebrate for an eternity. God is so good, though, that He also gives us another offer – to go into all the world and share the love that He has shown to us (1 John 4:19). 

Do you want to know where the world begins, friends? It begins with our families. With the people we do life with. The people that annoy us at Thanksgiving. The people we call after a long day. The people that have the ability to hurt us the most and likely have plenty of times. The people we, too, have the ability to hurt with our words and actions. These people – our families – are part of the world, they are part of the people God called us to share His love with. 

There came a point in my early walk with the Lord that I realized I needed to confront what happened with my sister that July. I needed to confront the pain I had caused and that she had caused me. I needed to confront the deep roots of bitterness that I had towards her. I didn’t have the power to fix it all, but the Holy Spirit empowered me to forgive. And then to humbly apologize. And then to again, humbly, accept her apology and work towards reconciliation. Our relationship is still not perfect – no family relationship is. Nonetheless, this journey of redeeming our sisterhood was a picture of the messiness but also the incredible devotion and sacrifice of the journey God took to redeem our relationship with Him. 

It’s in the mess of our families that we get to truly and uniquely share and put Christ’s love on display. It’s in the wrestling between the bitterness we are so prone to and the forgiveness Christ calls us to that we get to experience the justice, grace, mercy, and longsuffering  that are all housed within God’s love. Because Christ first loved us, we can love one another – especially our families (1 John 4:10-11). 

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*Disclaimer: I want to take time to acknowledge that there are many situations where the families in which we are born do not always provide safe, stable environments. In these cases, it may not be safe to interact with these family members. I would offer this encouragement to those that relate all too well to this statement – God places the lonely in families (Psalm 68:6). Through our relationship with the Lord, we get to be a part of a spiritual family (Mark 3:33-35; Galatians 4:5-7; Ephesians 2:19). God can use friends, people in our community, and the church to come alongside us and be a family to us. Even though our natural families may let us down or abandon us, God sees you and has not forgotten about you (Psalm 139:1-3; Isaiah 49:15-16; Psalm 27:10). God is a perfect Dad, and He loves you so much. Standing with you in prayer, friend.  

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